18 Unnecessary Risks

Life is full of things you would never do if you were using your brain, but that you still do because your intellect checks out on a regular basis. Here is a short list of things I’ve recently seen that should be avoided if possible.

Sandals/Flip Flops in a public restroom with urinals. Why? We’ve all accidentally had some urine splatter on us when we weren’t paying attention during a late night or early morning piss. It happens, but it is your own stuff, so it’s easy to justify. I went to a Big 12 football game a few weeks ago and I was amazed at how many dudes were wearing flip flops, getting pissed on by the random fella next to them. How is this a good idea?!?! I’m not saying that there is a huge health risk, but there is a monstrous risk at being grossed out. This happens all the time at bar urinals as well. Come on people, dress for your surroundings. Plus, flip flops and sandals aren’t as comfortable as shoes anyway.

Roman Candle Fights. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. How is this even relevant? Well, let me tell you, it makes for the highest level of entertainment watching a street duel with roman candles. More fun, two-on-two or three-on-three. It’s awesome to watch and a rush to participate in. That said, roman candles shoot rather unpredictably. There is no standard, each brand has it’s own random shot range. Some come out fast and go quite a distance, some are mostly duds. This greatly impacts the range of a roman candle fight, which is where part of the risk comes in. You know, and the fact that it is dark out, and some of them have firecrackers at the end. And you are usually drunk, otherwise you wouldn’t think it’s a good idea.

Marriage. 50% failure rate. How is this a good investment or life strategy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m married and ecstatic about it. However, I took my time and made sure I picked a compatible partner to be friends with for the rest of my life. She’s great and I couldn’t imagine life without her. Still, there is a 1 in 2 chance that most marriages will end in divorce!!! Come on, those are horrible odds, and it’s not like divorce is cheap. I’m moving on.

Climbing Fences. Do you remember how easy it was to climb a fence when you were in the 8-18 years-old range? Yeah, well the easy-going and fun nature of climbing fences rapidly decreases as you hit college. In college it is still necessary, by the time you are in your mid-twenties, this action needs to stop. Chain link is still pretty easy, but privacy fences aren’t built to hold 200 pounds of guy. Also, your shoes stop fitting in the gaps at some point. I don’t know when that was, but it is very important when it comes to climbing fences. The last time I climbed a fence, I almost busted my knee up and had strange marks on my hands for three hours. Just saying, knock on your neighbor’s door, it’s easier for everybody.

Road Rage. You don’t know anything about the person you are pissed at, so watch yourself. The guy in that little Geo Metro who isn’t going fast enough for you to make it to work on time could be a psychopath. I’m a big fan of yelling at people from my car, but even that is risky now. Apparently gangs drive around trying to incite people into road rage so they can start a fight. Sounds like a bad idea and a risk you should try to avoid.

Living in California. If the earthquakes don’t get you, the hippy liberals of Hollywood and San Francisco will. I’m just saying, at some point, Cali is breaking off into the ocean and will become an unstable island. Oh, and the cost of living is ridiculous. You could go from middle-management to homeless bum in a matter of months. I’m just saying, things move fast out there, and I don’t think the payout is worth the gamble.

Personal Calls at Work. Nothing is private in cubicle-world. Nothing. Even taking your cell phone to the break area or outside isn’t going to cut it. Letting your personal life out at work has zero benefit. Letting somebody hear you talk about how your cracked out ex broke into your house and stole shit last weekend is not good for your career. Companies want people they think have it together, on and off the clock. So why would you let strangers hear about your screwed up love life and how you love somebody who doesn’t love you back or cheated on you. Seriously ladies, where is the upside?!? Yeah, I just directed this one at the ladies. How many guys do you know who have this problem? That’s what I thought. The worst things a guy talks about are his sexual conquests and how boozed up he got last weekend. There is no comparison to the drama level that most women are unashamed to bring to the office. There is no glass ceiling, there are just people who don’t know how to separate their personal life and work.

Nintendo Wii with children. This goes along the lines of any activity with children from ages 3-10. They lack the coordination to know exactly what is going to happen next. Legs randomly kick, balls go flying towards windows. Bats, rackets, and Wii controllers go flying towards balls. It’s just a risk that, while probably totally worth it, is questionable. Yeah, the payout is great, but there is a lot of danger involved in playing with kids. Plus, people get paranoid around kids. A completely innocent act could get you arrested for neglect, abuse, or even molestation. I’m just saying, watch yourselves out there.